Reflections

Around this time of year, students tend to reflect on the semester or even the year. Reflections on how far God brought them. I love looking back and seeing how evident God is in my life. I see things that as I was living in the moment, it was not evident that God was in control because of everything else taking my attention away. But having lived in the situation and gone past it, I see how much I have grown. But this entry isn't just about how much I've changed this semester or this year. It's about this whole chapter of my life coming to a close. In about a week, I will be walking across a stage towards a very important document. That document is what I have been working so hard for all these years. My diploma.

I came straight from high school into college. Many people tell me they are surprised that I even took that step instead of taking a break. But I knew that if I did not push forward and pursue the next calling God had for me, I would not only regret it, but I would probably not follow through with it. It never entered my mind that I could take a break, I wanted to go to college and have that experience. Another thing people said to me was they were so surprised that I moved 2 1/2 hours away from home, away from my comfort. Believe me, I didn't want to move so far away from home. I was scared out of my mind. I was moving to a bigger city and I had no idea what that would look like. Although I was scared out of my mind to be moving away from the one thing I knew, from the one comfort I had, I knew that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I had not obeyed God. So I went for it. I took the plunge and I obeyed God.

I started learning responsibility, important lessons about relationships, about myself, about God, and His calling on my life. In the beginning, I didn't think I was college material at all. But there was a Voice that kept saying "You are worth it. You have so much to offer." I would doubt that Voice, but as weird as it may be, that was the only true and constant thing I had. I mean I had people speaking into my life, but I had such a hard time accepting it because my insecurities got in the way. But that Voice (God) would speak louder than my insecurities and that peaked my curiosity and made me want to pursue this dream I had. I would get excited every time I thought about it. In the early years of college, I struggled so much with my academics. So much so, that I almost got dismissed from school. If it wasn't for God, I would not be in college right now getting ready to graduate. In the moments when it felt like my world was caving in, I would cry out to God and give Him control. And He remained faithful. It is because of God that I was able to stay here every semester and every year. It is to God alone that the credit belongs to.

Many of you may not know this about me, but I was diagnosed with a learning disability. As you can imagine, it made things very difficult. I can't do this on my own. I need God. I have learned to seek after Him with all that I am. In the beginning, He promised me that I would graduate from North Central. The God I serve keeps His promises. He is a Man of His Word. He has never backed down on anything.... EVER. I'll be honest, there were times that I would get so frustrated with the school thing and the learning and the struggling that I would just give up. One semester, I actually tried to be dismissed. But God said, "No. I have greater plans for you than you ever realized. I have called you for a greater purpose than what you have for yourself. I am not finished with you yet." So I continued to do the best that I could and was amazed how far God took me at the end of every semester. A theme I have in my life is 'Be Still, Be Joyful, and Have Faith.' My life verse is Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." I have had to learn to just be still, be joyful in the moment, and have faith that God will keep His promises.

I also learned so much about myself. I used to be so shy and so afraid of talking to people of what they might think of me. Now, I am a completely different person. I am totally confident in who I am in Christ and not only just that but I really, honestly think that God made me to be an amazing person. I look at all the qualities I have and they all describe me so well. After taking all these personality tests I realize that not only am I amazing but God is a strategic thinker. He put qualities that make me to be unique. They define me and show me what I am meant to do and be. I serve a dynamic God who put so much thought into my existence.  I'm not an accident. I was created for a purpose. Throughout my journey here, I have made so many amazing friends and I can't wait to see where every one goes with their lives. I am so excited for the connections I have. I love who I am, who God created me to be, and the calling He has on my life.

Now you may be asking, "So what are you going to do now?" and some of you may be asking,"Are you still going to Sweden?" Well, it's kind of confusing. Maybe. When I first came to North Central, I knew I was supposed to be a missionary. I also wanted to go to Sweden and plant churches. As I got older, I started to realize my love for the church. I love church. I cannot describe it enough or stress it enough. I love that we are the Bride of Christ and I love how the Body of Christ is meant to be. My dream has always been to go to Sweden and teach people of what the church looks like and train them to be leaders of the church. I love how the church has different aspects and different gifts. I can go on and on about my love for the church. So my love for Sweden kind expanded to the rest of Europe. And I would say "I am only going to Europe. That is all." But when I started to hear of people groups who do not know God and have no church, I would an ache in my heart that I need to go and share God's love with them. Recently, plans changed a little. One day God said, "What if I called you to the world?" At that moment, I still had my agenda set for Sweden and I kept arguing and said, "But God, you broke your promise to me. You said Sweden." But then He said something that I will never forget, "I called you to the unchurched." As you can imagine, I shut up and let God talk. And that could mean Sweden, that could mean Italy or Turkey. That could mean Uganda or India. I started to take my focus off a little and realized, "Hey, I am called to the world. I'm not limited to just one place. I can go anywhere God calls me." So yes, I could someday be a missionary to Sweden and that may be where I end up for the rest of my life. Or I could end up in Boston, or Australia. But now I say I am called to be a global church planter. Isn't that awesome!?! I love that title!

What is my next step after graduation? Glad you asked. I have big plans. :) I have grown a desire to be a translator. When I did my internship in Germany, people would translate for me all the time and I kept thinking "Man! I really want to be on the other end and translate for other people." Since then, that's all I've been thinking about. I get excited about it and that's all I want right now. This is my next step.... eventually. I am planning to not make plans and just do what God wants me to do. I get excited every time I talk about my future. I have a stinkin' awesome future and am so excited for this new chapter in my life.

Summer Reading List

Since I will be graduated and will have plenty of time on my hands, I am looking forward to getting caught up on my reading. I am about to make up for lost time for the five years of required reading keeping me from reading for fun. Here's what I got.

1. The Hunger Games
2. Lord of the Rings
3. P.S. I Love You 
4. Mere Christianity
5. The O'Malley Series
6. Eat, Pray, Love
7. Memoirs of a Geisha
8. Inheritance Cycle 

Any other suggestions are welcome. 

One Month

As of today, there is exactly one month left until my graduation date. Most people would be excited and just dying of anticipation. I would be, however, I have enormous amounts of work I have to get done before then. So for now, I'm dreading that date. For one HUGE reason is my senior project. It has been looming over my mind all semester. At this point, I just want to be done. I want everything finished. If I could have a personal assistant, that would be swell. Although I have a big 30 page paper to write, I also have the regular day-to-day assignments demanded of other classes. Thus the stress level goes up 70%. Brilliant.

This week I had been so busy just stressing out over this and in my mind accepting the fact that I would be so happy to take an incomplete and finish this summer. My adviser had a different idea. She still thinks I can get it on time. So.... I'm still working on it, along with all my other assignments. (*Deep sigh* Breathe Amy. You can do this. One step at a time)

Over and over again, God would keep reminding me that he has this under control and that I don't need to worry about it. Being a member of the human race, I have a natural tendency to worry about such things. I was just reminded that God is bigger. Since I was a freshman all the way up to now, God has been proving himself faithful. He promised that I would graduate. I don't think God would take me part of the way and then desert me. He is a God of promises and he intends on taking care of me. Now, I may be worrying about the little things that add up to one big thing, but in retrospect, it's not my job to worry. All I need to do is obey.

Tonight I was reminded of my life theme which is "Be Still. Be Joyful. Have Faith." Then Exodus 14:14 came to mind which is "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." Really, how great is that? The Lord will fight for me. This is my battle and he is willing to fight it for me, I just need to be still. Along with being still, I was also reminded of the story of the Israelites fighting the Amalekites. When Moses had his arms up, the Israelites were winning, but when his arms were down, the Amalekites were winning. So in that position of being still, I need raise my hands in surrender to my God and just worship him for who he is. God cares for me more than he cares for the sparrows and he meets their needs.

When I look up in the sky and see all the stars, I think how great of a God I serve, and I feel so small and insignificant. The fact that the God who showed how mighty and great he is with the stars and planets can care for my every need. He holds my world in his hands. So in exactly one month, I will not only defeat this last obstacle, I will conquer! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I believe that in this last month, I will have tremendous amount of strength. I know I will look back at this and know that God had his hand in it the whole time.