Surrender

You know when you pray for God to move you but when you find out what that means, you get stubborn? That would be called being human. It's a flaw I'm afraid we all have. But what good does it do to be stubborn? Nothing. When we decide not to obey God, life is all the more miserable. Things don't work out the way we planned. So what do we end up saying in the midst of our misery? We cry out for God to help us right? Well, what if we chose not to have our own way, take a risk, and obey that still small voice asking us to do the impossible. When you choose to disobey, you are choosing to stay comfortable. That stunts your growth. There is so much I can say about stubbornness, however, that's not what this blog is about, it's about the opposite actually. It's a story about surrender, courage, and faith. When we choose to take a step into the unknown and do what we think is impossible by taking a risk, that is when we grow and mold into the person God has created.

At the beginning of summer, I took a risk just moving back to Duluth. I had a job in the cities, with decent pay and weekends off. However, that was not the life God had for me. He had a very simple request, and that was to move back home. For my entire time living in the cities (which was 6 years) I kept saying,"I will never move back there again." Be careful what you tell God. He did just that. I was stubborn about it for awhile but realized this was a step I so desperately needed to take. Moving back was a risk in itself because I hadn't a job to go to. People asked about that and I would just tell them I have family I can live with until I find a job. I knew God would provide, but sometimes it's hard to explain to other people. So through much prayer, I decided to follow that still small voice. It's true, I didn't have money. I had to pay for bills. I didn't have a place to live but I was able to live temporarily with family.

You can even see my frustration in my previous blogs. When I'm frustrated, I start praying. It's hard being in those moments of frustration but what comes out of it is beautiful. We are then placed in a state of desperation. I'm not saying I necessarily love being frustrated. I hate it. But in the season of frustration and desperation, there was nothing else for me to do but to go to my knees.

I was getting pretty desperate. I had 9 interviews. Nine. Do you know how frustrated and desperate I was? At some point I was ready to take anything. Then one day I said, "Lord, you know what you're doing. I need a job and at this point only you can provide that for me. Do what you want Lord. What I want at this point doesn't matter." And then I got a call. It was the call I was waiting for. I got a job! And then in the midst of that, God provided a place to live, that was cheap. I was skeptical at first because it seemed to have happened so fast. What I wanted was to get my finances settled and figure things out after that. Apparently God had other plans. It wasn't  just the timing I was worried about, it was where I would move to.

In this season of waiting, I was reading Genesis. I stumbled upon the story of Noah. We all know and understand that he built a boat in the middle of the desert, got mocked, and essentially became a zookeeper on water. It's incredible. But what came next really made me stop and think. Noah had his family on this giant boat, larger than a cruise ship, carrying every single animal on earth. Can you imagine the stench? When I walk into a zoo, I sometimes have to plug my nose because it's so aweful. Noah had to endure that, feed the animals, and take care of his family. And it was for 3 years. Three years! They were in the middle of a storm for that long. Through it all, Noah still trusted God. He sent out a bird several times with no result. He knew he was going to get onto dry land but during that period, I'm sure there arose plenty of doubt. Then one day, the bird came back with an olive branch. It took several months to even see the tops of the highest mountain. You all realize the tallest mountain in the world is Everest? They were higher than that! That's incredible to me. God brought them through it. They lived in obedience on the ark the whole time, just waiting. Then finally, there was a sign that God was keeping his promise and was making all that time spent waiting totally worth it, because he remembered them.

Superior, Wisconsin. A land of cows, farmland, and cheeseheads. I never expected to move to Superior. Just like Noah never expected to build an ark in the middle of a desert. But he obeyed. But I am walking in peace because I listened to that still small voice, even though I felt uncertainty. When I was searching all those months for a job, I felt like I was never going to find one. I was in the midst of a storm and I just needed to be faithful, obey, and wait on the Lord. And he did, he kept his promise. I now have a job, I have an apartment, and I am completely blessed with the friends in my life.

No matter what God is asking you to do, don't question. Just obey. God never does what we think makes sense anyways. All he is asking is for our obedience, no matter what that looks like and he will keep his promises.